Disappointing tour news
Our loyal agent and friend Martha Farker has just informed us that the exciting tour deal she was working on has just fell through.
She was in talks on our behalf with a major artist for us to support him on his upcoming tour. All the dates had been finalised and we were being tipped as favourites to secure the contract for these two reasons:
1) The artist in question demands that only people 12 times less attractive than himself be allowed on the same stage as him, and we are just that right level of “funny looking”.
2) Our lack of dignity was also a bonus as the support band had to be willing to be classified as luggage and be transported as such for tax reasons.
However, the whole tour has been cancelled just as we were on the verge of success, because apparently it’s against the law for superstars to get high and ram things in their car. Now said superstar will be in jail for some of the dates and will then be preoccupied with his community service of teaching underprivileged kids the sax solo from Careless Whisper.
